What If Your Birth Affirmations Don't Feel True?
I'm going to say something that might be a little controversial coming from a doula: I don't think birth affirmations are particularly helpful.
In fact, I think sometimes they can do the exact opposite of what they're supposed to do.
I know, I know…hear me out.
There's something to be said for repeating a thought until it starts to feel more familiar and believable. But there's a fine line between reinforcing a belief and repeatedly reminding yourself that you don't believe it.
If you're terrified of childbirth, standing in front of the mirror every morning repeating “I am fearless, I trust my body completely,” probably isn't going to magically make those fears disappear.
Instead, every time you say those words, your brain might respond with: Nope. Definitely afraid. Not sure I trust my body. Let’s think about all the times my body failed me!
Sound familiar?
This is something I see with clients all the time. They're trying to convince themselves of something they haven't actually worked through yet.
And that's why I think the real value of birth affirmations isn't just in repeating them. It's in examining how you respond to them.
Your Affirmations Should Actually Mean Something to You
I'm not a huge fan of generic lists of affirmations that everyone is supposed to repeat.
Your fears, experiences, beliefs, support system, and circumstances are unique. Why would the exact same affirmations work for everyone?
Personally, I prefer affirmations that focus less on promising a particular birth experience and more on reinforcing your ability to navigate whatever happens.
Here are some of my favorites:
I make good choices.
I am surrounded by people whose guidance I trust.
I have done hard things before, and I will again.
I can honor my values even if the unexpected happens.
All decisions are ultimately mine.
My voice matters.
I deserve answers to all my questions.
I am strong even when I'm afraid.
I feel safe enough to surrender.
I don't need to know everything to make good choices.
Now, Here's the Important Part…
What if one of those statements doesn't feel true?
What if you read “I am surrounded by people whose guidance I trust” and immediately think about how uncomfortable you feel with your provider?
What if “My voice matters” makes you realize you're afraid to disagree with someone in the delivery room?
What if “I make good choices” brings up all the times you've second-guessed yourself throughout pregnancy?
THAT is where the real work begins.
Not by forcing yourself to repeat the affirmation until you stop questioning it.
But by asking yourself why it doesn't feel true, and what you might need to change, explore, practice, or work through before birth.
Maybe that means having an honest conversation with your provider, or learning more about your options. Maybe it means exploring a previous experience, practicing advocating for yourself, or getting support with fears that feel overwhelming.
And sometimes, it means rewriting the affirmation into something that feels more believable right now.
Instead of “I trust my body completely,” maybe it's “I'm learning to listen to my body.”
This Is Birth Preparation, Too
We spend so much time preparing our bodies for birth.
Without fail, in our first meeting my clients ask for the same things: birth plans, prenatal workouts, breathing techniques, and labor positions.
And I love all of those things!
But I also think we sometimes use them to avoid the much less comfortable work of examining our beliefs about birth, our relationship with control, our confidence in making decisions, and whether we genuinely feel supported.
You can memorize every labor position in the world, but if you’re constantly second-guessing yourself, all that preparation may be a lot harder to access when things get intense.
This inner work isn't optional fluff! It's the foundation that makes all the other preparation useful.
So if pregnancy affirmations feel silly to you, don't force them - get curious!
Find the ones that resonate. Pay attention to the ones that don't. And let that guide you toward the preparation you actually need.
The goal isn't to convince yourself that birth will go perfectly. It's to build genuine confidence in your ability to navigate it, even when things don't go according to plan.
Let's Prepare for More Than Just Labor
Birth preparation isn't just about learning positions, breathing techniques, or what to pack in your hospital bag. It's also about understanding your options, exploring your beliefs and fears, building confidence in your decisions, and figuring out what you need to feel supported.
Whether we're working together through continuous doula support or a private prenatal session, my goal is to help you prepare for birth in a way that reflects your unique needs, values, and circumstances.
Because the best birth preparation isn't about being ready for everything. It's about feeling equipped to navigate whatever comes.
